How to be there for your chronically ill bestie or loved one! 🫶🏽

Hi everyone! Welcome to the blog at a time when I feel ready to be more open and vulnerable with you guys 🫣 don’t worry, I’ll still be silly old me trying to make you laugh, coping mechanisms and all that good stuff 🤣. This is a post I’ve been thinking of sharing for a while and the time has finally come! I used to write about chronic pain a lot more than I do now but that doesnt mean I am now living without it, life is just taking me in different directions. I live with a connective tissue disease and was undiagnosed for over 10 years, not knowing what was going on in my body but being stuck in a chair, in pain, daily. It eventually culminated in a psychotic breakdown in 2022 and that changed me mentally and physically, as can be expected. I learnt that mental health, a thing I’d sideswipe before as I didnt like it went people tried to insinuate my pain was all in my head, was real and I learnt that the hard way.

We all go through things in life that make us the person we are today and I firmly believe my experiences have made me stronger (and less shy now, whoop whoop! 🤣 it’s funny how things work out). My pain affects me in different ways and I struggle but I find my small joys even though depression weighs me down at times. The people I choose to surround myself with are ultimately what help get me through, sometimes they don’t even know it and sometimes people need a little help with knowing how to help. Thats okay, we are all human and learning every day.

Today I wanted to share some simple but meaningful and effective ways to be there for your chronically ill bestie/loved one as someone who lives with an illness themselves. At no point do I mean to sound condescending or as though I know it all, I do not, I just want to help and make a difference so here we are. Lets share tips in the comments and guide eachother towards a better day for us and those we care about ✨️.

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• The first thing that comes to mind for me is sometimes you’ve just gotta listen and not judge/try to solve the problem as the simple truth is: it’s sh*t 🤷‍♀️.

Not everything is there to be explained away. Sometimes it just needs to be heard and that can mean a whole lot more. I know it helps to try and “fix” whatever is going on and there is a time and a place for that but sometimes lending an ear, acknowledging the pain exists is what is needed and appreciated. Don’t get me wrong, there are loads of moments where help in the form of making things better is what is needed too. It’s all about knowing your loved one and what they would prefer. But remember, toxic positivity is not what we’re going for! Sometimes you just wanna wallow a bit and rightfully so. Remember: we listen and we don’t judge, even if you would do things completely different from this chronically ill person 🙌🤣.

• Create moments that are magical

I don’t know if this contradicts what I just said but I’mma say it anyway 🤣. When you live your life in pain it can feel like life itself is passing you by. Like you’re not living, just existing. There are so many years that I feel like I lost and didn’t do anything because of pain but those moments when my family/friends created moments by just being there and being able to make memories is what can get you through. It made me feel like life was worth living despite the pain and I am eternally grateful for that. I love my people regardless but these things don’t go unnoticed. It’s kinda like if you can’t get out to see the world, the world gets brought to you through the power of love. Bring them an autumn leaf (or maybe thats not their thing…it’s mine! 🫣😂), sing them their fave song and end up howling along together or sit together imagining something in the future that you’ll do together, something they’re looking forward to or create something new to look forwardto that is possible and can happen given the circumstances. You know this person and can bring out the best in them when it’s called for and feels right. I believe it’s always important to have something to look forward to! 🙌 Whether its in the future or on the same day, a magical moment is something to look back on at the end of a long day and smile about. That is a beautiful thing indeed.

• Talk to them and show them that their voice matters and is valued

It can feel like you’re so disconnected from the world and as though you don’t contribute to it in any way but that can be changed when someone acknowledges your presence and treats you with respect, wanting to know your opinion on matters that don’t even have to be close to heart (although it probably means more if they are….am I talking in riddles? 🤨🤣). Little things mean a lot and that’s not just a saying, it’s a fact! It can be easy to forget you’re more than your pain when it’s all consuming so this goes a long way.

• Be careful what you share with the person that is chronically ill, be aware that it may be recieved in a different light than you intend.

When I was at my worst I hated being sent news articles and quotes about my disorder even though I know they were meant to inform me/help me. I would open up certain messages holding my breath and I don’t completely understand why. I know that these messages where meant to make me feel understood or less alone but they had the opposite effect and dropped my mood when I couldn’t afford to get any lower. I must sound so ungrateful but I’m just being honest, I guess I didn’t want to be reminded and was wanting a distraction from pain, not the other way around. What I’m trying to say is, take into account who you’re talking to/sending things to and what they’re going through. It’s not even a case of treat others the way you’d like to be treated as many people would be okay being in receipt of certain content, maybe the overall topic is to be more mindful and to truly know someone’s boundaries.

• Lastly, tell your chronically ill loved one that you love them

I felt more compelled to say “tell” them instead of “show” them for some reason but maybe you show your love instead of say the actual words and thats okay. It’s so easy to think you’re a burden when your in pain, I personally felt like I would never make my family proud even tho they tell me I have done, I just didn’t believe them. To be reminded you are loved is like a permanent hug that holds you through the tough times and gets you through. You never know who needs to hear it, even those that aren’t chronically ill need to know. Pain can be invisible even when it is physical but to be in receipt of love and to actually feel it, knows no bounds. You could change that person’s life by letting them know.

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I feel like this post could go on forever but you get the gist and I know you probably have way more ideas flowing through your mind at this current moment than I do (I set myself the task of writing this post and my mind goes blank 🤣). Feel free to share any more tips you have in the comments section! I bet there’s someone out there who needs to hear your words 💞.

I hope you found this post to be helpful or insightful. If anything struck a nerve then know that these may not apply to everyone , they are only my experiences and I don’t mean to offend. Others may be different, thats where “knowing” a person’s ins and outs comes into play so that you can help a different individual for it to be better suited to them instead of in the way I insinuate might be helpful.

I’ve gotta go now but until the next post, you can find me over on The Cosy Corner sharing audio rambles that you can listen to whenever and wherever you are 😉. Right now I’m wrapping up autumnal content and making my way into an even cosier area where I chat about Christmas presents I’m gifting to my family (thats what I love about The Cosy Corner, they’ll never know as it’s only a space for me and you ☺️🎁). Have a nice day/a restful night and I appreciate you being here today, if you’re looking to help a loved one and/or you experience chronic pain yourself then I hear and see you. Take care, stay safe and buh-bye! ✨️💗