Health update / January 2018

Elsie LMC

Hi everyone! How are you? ❤ Today I thought I would share with you a health update as it’s been a while since I’ve written about what’s going on aside from small notes as I hate allowing it to somewhat invade the positivity of blogging but at the same time that makes the happyness seem a bit fake.
Before I start I would just like to say that I added “January 2018” to the title of this post so as to differentiate it from any other post I might have just named “health update” and at the moment I have no desire to make this into a series or anything because as much as it feels surprisingly good to vent, I would much rather choose to bottle it up and not have to hear about it more than is necessary. I also understand it might be a difficult read for some of you, it is my life and is what goes on behind all posts to this blog and today is just one of those days when I feel able to write about it.
My health has a massive impact on my life and is the main cause as to why I started this blog. Blogging is really the only contact I have with the outside world the majority of the time which I feel embarrassed to admit and I need to realize that I shouldn’t be afraid to let out what’s going on and be more truthful about it. I don’t talk about it as much as I should to let out the mental aspects that being undiagnosed brings and so writing is both a way to clear my mind and escape from it all at the same time.
January was not a good month for me health wise. It was full of flare-ups of headaches and migraines that varied in extremity, the worst ones were when it felt like a grinding in my skull when the pain climaxed and when asked to describe how it felt I couldn’t even speak let alone find the words but I remember imagining myself as a geography teacher giving an amazing lecture about plate tectonics through experience, I get delirious as you can probably guess 😂. The headaches and migraines weren’t unexpected as I get them everyday alongside the fatigue, it just depends on whether or not they are on a small enough scale to allow distractions. I’m used to them even though I know I shouldn’t be or in other words shouldn’t have to be. I don’t want to get used to them but with them being around for almost 10 years (maybe longer as I used to think it was normal when I was little) it’s hard to imagine things ever being any different.
Weaving in and out of the migraines my other flare-ups fought to become apparent up against them and my right arm caused a lot of worry in that it swelled and stung over a course of time and then disappeared to travel up into my chest where the pain is now. In the beginning I thought I had gotten a chill from going out in the cold but we think that the Pleurisy I had last year might be coming back as a sharp pain goes down along my spine when I breathe.
I feel like my life is one long rest and that this is how it will stay forever and I will never know why 🙁. I don’t feel like I’m living, sometimes I do but then I’ll look at things and see that they are the same it’s just my perspective of them that’s different and then I fall back into thinking the way I did before. The longer I’m away from the world and stuck inside the more I fuel the fire of my anxiety about being out in the open around people. And now I’m annoyed because I only just started referring to it as shyness and now I’m back in that headspace of before and theres nothing that can be done about it. It’s just one long waiting game.
I am very numb when I’m “okay” and it’s like I’m not really here. I am always floating, dazed living in my head as there’s so much to take in after pain has subsided. Life is kind of a whole other shock to the system 😂 I feel so disconnected. I’ll read a book and feel awake and then I’ll look away from it and feel like I’m not in the room. It’s hard to explain, it’s like it takes longer than it should to process everything around me. The other week I missed out on an opportunity that I wrote about HERE and leading up to it I felt a powerful mix of both excitement and fear (an unlikely combination for me when the excitement was stronger than the fear) and I could almost sense that this could be a magical experience in which I step out of my comfort zone. When I missed it I felt kind of empty like I’d lost the chance to make a change and live through that powerful feeling that I don’t think I’d ever felt before where I was for once completely here and not with other things clouding my head.
Blogging is my outlet as I’m sure it is for many of us on here. It’s not life and it’s not pain, it’s somewhere in-between. This community means so much to me and the people I have spoken to on here have helped me a lot. I don’t think I will ever find a way to put into words how much I appreciate that ❤
I feel less trapped when I write truthfully about what’s going on and am not making out that all is fine. My message to you is that you should never feel bad about speaking, writing or blogging about how you feel. Good or bad, it’s easy to throw it all away as moaning and even if it is how else are you going to find relief from it all? Don’t let your mind stop you from speaking before you’ve even started and don’t keep it in if you can help it. Always know that although what we go through affects who we are, it will never set the bar for what we are capable of achieving 💛
Thank you for reading! I hope you’re having a truly beautiful day ❤

38 Comments

  1. I’m glad that blogging is such a good outlet for you! It really is amazing how you can build such an encouraging and supportive community on here! We all really care about you Elsie, and thank you for being honest with us! Keep taking care of yourself ❤

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    1. Thank you so much Angela! Your comment made me smile, I’m still in disbelief after all this time just how much blogging has helped, I don’t know what I’d do without this community and space ❤xx

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    1. Thank you so much Cheila! I honestly cannot count how many I’ve seen through the years. Occasionally they found things that would all go under one diagnosis that they then wouldn’t want to be hasty about announcing I have it incase they miss what else it could be and so time just goes by and I’m out of the loop ❤xx

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      2. I’ve tried a few alternative medicines recommended by my GP, one of which was Hemp Oil and I think that was the only thing I felt a difference with, yet it would only last an hour or so in making me feel less tired ❤

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      3. Gosh girl, I wish I could help you. There’s this blogger I follow who suffers from chronic fatigue syndrome resulting from glandular fever and her symptoms are kinda similar to yours. She has been doing and trying so many different things. Acupuncture, body brushing, dietary changes, it’s endless really. Maybe you’d like to read her blog. Don’t take me wrong, I’m sure you’ve done absolutely everything, I’m not offering advice (who the hell am I? Lol) I’m just sharing information because I like you so much and my heart hurts for you. I wish I could take away your pain and give you everything you want ❤️

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      4. I would love to read her blog! What is it called? The blogging community has helped me this far so it can only do good in hearing from someone in a similar situation who might help me to go down a new route. You’re very kind ❤xx

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  3. Post was real, honest and so truthful that it hurt. I really think that you should write more about this, when you’re able to. When you feel more connected or more real. There’s not much I can say apart from that we are always here to listen to you, and it’s not moaning or anything like that – it’s you getting your words out there when you need to xxx

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    1. Thank you so much Elm! I was so scared to write it but am relieved that I did now. I think it doesn’t hit home until I’m told by someone else that it’s not moaning and so that really means a lot ❤xx

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  4. Please continue being honest with us, Elsie. It’s always appreciated and always good to talk about everything with true friends. I ALWAYS feel better when I’ve received support, encouragement and words of wisdom from the blogging community.

    I really, really, really wish that you have a good month ahead, I know that chronic pain is very unpredictable, but I hope February is a relatively good time for you, my friend.

    When you make out that everything is fine, you bottle it up and that makes everything worse. I find that sharing your struggles with friends makes SUCH a difference.

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Tons of love to you!

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    1. Thank you so much Gracie! That is very true, I don’t know where I’d be without the blogging community right now. I always feel like people have enough to deal with without me adding more and keep it in which I know is not the best way I could treat it when the chance comes that I actually do want to talk. You are an amazing friend and it really means a lot 🤗❤xx

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  5. It is tough to be and yet not be at the same time. Your frustration with your situation is understandable. My prayer for you is that God would deliver you once and for all out of this unnamed ailment. Freeing you to live and enjoy your life the way you were meant to. Thanks for sharing. Rest in between but never give up. 😊

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