19 things I’ve learned in 19 years!

Hi everyone! I hope you’re all having a beautiful day! Tomorrow is my 19th birthday! 😆🎉 I’m looking forward to it even if it has taken me some time to realize it 😂 today is my last day being 18 (and it’s that time of the month so not exactly a nice way to remember things! 😂😫🙈) Recently I have been thinking through some of the things I have learned so far in life and I thought it would be lovely to share them with you and have them kept here as a memory forever so here it goes!

1. Never give up hope of anything happening in life, so much can change in one year alone. Earlier this year I discovered that I was younger than I thought when signs of the undiagnosed Illness’s in my life showed themselves beside my reflux and for some time this made me loose hope of ever receiving a diagnosis as I have gotten so used to how the pain feels (so much that I used to think everyone felt it when they don’t and I shouldn’t have to either). Although it has been 9 years I will never give up hope of finding my diagnosis or achieving my dreams even if I travel towards them in a different way at a snail’s pace 😂
2. Never accept pain. Pain has taken so much away from me and has forced me to live a half life watching from the sidelines so even at times when I feel down and it affects my mental health I will not accept that this is how things will always be. I can’t change things but I know I should have the choice of what I do in a day and not have to accept it’s okay the way it is, so I will keep going for that day where I have a choice on what I do with my time.
3. You can’t change the past and your future depends on your present so live it to the best of your ability!
4. It’s okay to be different, even if your differences aren’t through choice they shape the strong person you are today and will be tomorrow.
5. True friends show themselves when you become cut off from the rest of the world. They stay with the part of you that feels like it’s fallen behind and make you feel level again and less like you’re sinking below.
6. Everything happens for a reason. I believe this with all my heart as if it didn’t my mum would not be here with us today. On the night we got the call for my mum’s transplant and we got lost, out of the blue a police car came and showed us the way to the hospital in time, it was so magical and like someone was looking down on us making sure we got there on time.
7. It’s okay to be sad and not know why but at the same time know when how you’re feeling is more than down and don’t be afraid speak to about it. Sometimes speaking doesn’t feel like it helps but it’s the right thing to do as it leads you in the direction to something that will help. I used to be afraid to say if I felt incredibly sad because doctors are so quick to put everything down to depression/anxiety when you’re undiagnosed as it is easier for them to just hand you over to someone else. I was scared I would be misdiagnosed but not every doctor thinks this way and so I shouldn’t be on guard anymore hiding how my pain effects me.
8. Pain doesn’t control me, it limits the things I can do but it will never control me.
9. When I feel at my worst with my flare-ups the only thing I can do is lay down and that is in no way giving up no matter how much it annoys me. You shouldn’t feel ashamed to care for yourself.
10. There are days when I wake up feeling numb and disconnected from my body and I hate it. I feel like I’m floating watching my life through VR or like it’s not my life at all. On these days I must take this as a form of fatigue and not fight it, treat it like I would a normal flare up and rest.
11. Painkillers aren’t evil 😂 even when I’m at my worst and my head is burning or I feel paralyzed and can’t cry I always say no to taking medication and only take it if pain is still there before I sleep. I’m told this is because I have high pain tolerance but there is no reason for me to feel ashamed in giving into taking something that won’t make it fully go away anyway, my body can’t do it by itself and I need to accept that I need this help before the day comes when I get proper medication.
12. It helps to know that someone is in a similar situation to you and to speak to them. It makes you feel less crazy and like doctors aren’t only being horrible to you, they are doing it to everyone they feel is making them look like a bad carer when they cannot find a diagnosis and they think that you won’t speak up for yourself because they are your last hope.
13. It’s easier for some people to ignore the fact that your smile is fake because they want it to be real and for things to be the way they were before. This doesn’t mean they don’t care, it’s just their way of coping as it’s difficult to swallow the fact that everythings not perfect.
14. People change. I’ve changed I feel for good and bad. I yearn to be the jokey me I was before chronic pain but at the same time she was shy and today I am less of that and a whole lot stronger. I want to take a part of the old me and mould her to who I am now (and that’s not weird at all 😂).
15. Some people get left behind in your life for a good reason. Don’t bring yourself down in forgetting what they treated you like back then and wishing they were still in your life, its not worth the hurt they caused you that led you to think of yourself in not a good light. And thinking of the people who do terrible things in the world we have to remember that there is more good than bad (badness is just attention seeking so appears to come out on top but the goodness that is us will always win and be humble about it)…yes I just added an extra thing learned in here 🙈😂
16. Friendship goes both ways. I try my hardest to be there for my friends like they have been there for me and show them how much they mean to me and I hope I can be as good a friend to them too.
17. Don’t block out bad times. Think them through and put them into perspective seeing them in a new light. This may take some time but you’re the one who will come out the other side the better person. Be proud of yourself!
18. Change can be tough to not only get used to but to accept as the new norm. Always remember that there is a way around everything. When I had to stop going to school and be homeschooled it took months to find the right tutor and in that time I lost sight of ever completing my education, I thought my health had won. Don’t get me wrong I was incredibly shy so school wasn’t my favourite place to be but that in no way meant I wanted to leave and be separated further from what everyone else my age was doing. In time I got the right tutor who helped me regain the faith I had lost in my own ability and know what to learn and teach myself on the days I was unable to have her around. This time in my life changed from worry to thinking I had a chance of not only completing my exams but passing them and I did! After that I lost sight of what I was capable of and tried going to various college courses before realizing I could still learn a course myself and not let my health once again have control, I chose to do a home course and that is what I am doing today. I learned to work with the changes thrown my way and it feels strange looking back on them now as they only feel like they happened yesterday.
19. There is always something new to discover and love. I never thought I would be a blogger (because I didn’t really know what was behind the name 😂) but as soon as I got the idea last December after being stuck inside in a bad place with my health I jumped into doing this without knowing what to expect or do as I hadn’t even intentionally read a blog post before. I feel like blogging came at the right time for me and now I cannot imagine my life without this platform that allows me to speak to all of you amazing people! 

Thank you for reading! 😉💗 It’s strange trying to imagine what will happen to 19 year old me but incredibly exciting too! I will let you know how my birthday went in my next post on friday! Until then take care of yourself and have a lovely day!