Cry

Sometimes life is so beautiful it makes me cry.

So that when it is the opposite

there are no tears left.

Hi everyone! I hope you had a lovely weekend. I wrote this earlier this year when I was trying to make sense of how pain effects me. I realized that I feel like crying a lot more when something beautiful happens as opposed to something hurtful. Moments when I hold my smallest dog Toby in my arms and he falls into a deep sleep make me want to cry because he is so small and he’s alive (obviously! 😂 But his little beating heart is precious! 😂) he trusts us enough to close his eyes….I guess this is because we adopted him from a family who were feeding him bloody crisps though! 🙄😂

When I hug my family and I can almost fall asleep in their arms because I feel safe, I could cry (…but then I do love hugs 🙈😂). When I receive a lovely comment on my blog and I feel like I’m building up a friendship…this may sound weird..but I could cry! 🙈😂 I think this last one is because I was so blocked from life with my illness in the past but when I see that I’m being myself confidently more so everyday I feel happy because I feel like the old me is coming back 😄  

The other day when it was the anniversary of my mum receiving her kidney 6 years ago she told me she could remember laying in the hospital bed when we first saw her after the operation and then all of a sudden we were crying and holding each other close, out of disbelief as we never thought she would still be here after all these years. We cried with both sadness (knowing that a young girl passed away that night for my mum to live) and joyfulness at still being together. 

Of course when really bad things happen or I have a painful flare-up or remember something sad I cry but I feel like I could burst into tears more often from happyness and I think this is because there are no tears left to give a damn about the bad times 😂 the bad things don’t deserve the tears as much because it seems like the good times have awkwardly stolen them as a show of gratitude for beautiful moments😂 looking back on this now I see that love and life are what make me emotional 😂 either that or I am having one of my usual spates of fatigue and am a bit hormonal and fascinated by everything 😂😬…I prefer the “love/life” reason if I’m being honest with you! 😂

Thank you for reading! 😉💗 Have an amazing day!