A constant reminder: Living with an Undiagnosed Chronic Illness

Elsie LMC,

Is there a need

To constantly remind me

That I’m not the same as I used to be

Pain has changed me.

According to you

I’m am not hyper

Anymore

I don’t crack jokes

Anymore

I don’t remember the me I was before.

Can’t you see that in all this madness

I am stronger now

I am less shy now

I can speak back to you like this now

Yes I am alive

But that part of me is dead now.

Hi everyone! How are you? I wrote this after a bout of remembering times when people have told me I used to be different before my pain. Pain obviously changes you as a person but it’s not an easy thing to accept when people say the things that have changed in you were good thinks like: being more jokey or able to do more than one thing in a day without being too tired for anything else. I always try my best to focus only on the things that have changed for the better, like feeling stronger than before through experience and growth. I know it upsets some who feel the need to bring it up as they see me in this pain and can do no more than I can to change it. We are weak compared to the change placed upon us but in turn with time have learnt to accept it’s hidden benfefit of never wanting to give up. It is not right to not know what is going on inside you. That part of me is dead but that doesn’t mean I don’t try to find her every day and remind myself to remember that one day I will take back that part of me that was stolen so as to both feel like me again and end this constant reminder.

Thank you for reading! 😉💗 Have a lovely day!

This is a scheduled post as I am on holiday which you can read more about HERE

15 Comments

  1. I feel like I have lost myself. I look in the mirror and I don’t recognise myself, physically and internally as a person. Undiagnosed I am, as physically things have changed for me and doctors say I have nothing. Obvisouly this doesn’t help my mental health and makes me have self esteem and confidence issues. Social anxiety makes it worse. People do make it worse. I had such negative and bad comments from people. It makes things so bad. I can totally relate to this post. Keep up being positive and the lovely posts.

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    1. I’m so sorry to hear that. I can relate so much to feeling like you don’t recognize yourself, like the real you got left behind in that time when things weren’t so bad. But that part of you will come back I promise! You’re not alone and you never will be in how you feel. The thing is, you know something isn’t right, even if doctors don’t so don’t ever let them make you give in. Yes it may well be symptoms of depression and anxiety and not an opposite entity but you should still be given something to help you cope. Some people don’t think before they speak and we can only pity them for that and hope they never experience our pain. Thank you so much! (Remember I’m here if you ever need to talk!) 💕Xx

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  2. Whenever I read something you write, it makes me feel more motivated and happier – even when what you write isn’t happy. You are so strong and still you – that’s what I love about you. You know the positives and negatives of everything and you aren’t afraid to acknowledge that things are difficult.

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  4. This is such a good poem, and about SUCH an important subject too! Lately I’ve been experimenting with poetry to talk about some of the difficulties I’ve been facing and ahhhh it’s really great to work on. 🙂 Good job!

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