overcoming my shyness👊

Hi everyone! I don’t know if it comes across in my blog but I am quite a shy person. When I was younger I was a shy kid with a million things to say in my head but nothing would ever come out. I used to think my awkwardness came across as rudeness and would forever be questioning myself “why did I say that?”, “Why didn’t I say this?”, when in the moment I felt trapped. Words for me come easier in writing than they do verbally. When I was around 11/12 years old I began feeling unwell with migraines/fatigue/joint pains and these strange tingly sensations. So I went to the hospital and was told nothing was wrong for ages until my doctor at the time said she would give me an MRI scan to prove it. The scan revealed I have lesions on my brain. With this chronic pain going undiagnosed and being told I have to wait for it to develop further for diagnosis I was in and out of school for years. Recently I read another person’s blog that inspired me to speak out about it (or in my case write 😂) Incase other people are going though something similar or have gone through it before. I will write about My Undiagnosed Illness to give you a better understanding soon on my blog as it can only help 💗. As I was in and out of school, shyness stayed as I didn’t really have contact with strangers. Pain makes you revert back into yourself, especially when you have no idea what’s causing it and you can’t talk it away or take medication to make it better. After a long period of time without school and just teaching myself and trying to catch up in-between feeling unwell, I started being homeschooled. And it was honestly the best thing for me looking back. At the time it was challenging being taught one on one, overall going back into being taught by someone else and not seeing my classmates (except my friend’s). Homeschooling was something to focus on other than the pain that never went away. I slowly built my confidence again this way. It would sink back down when I felt pain or went to endless hospital appointments where I was told nothing could be done and still does sink back down sometimes. When you feel unwell for years on end I guess something just clicks and you don’t overly care what people think (in a good way 😂 you’re not afraid to talk to someone knowing you probably won’t see them again or realising there’s nothing to be scared of really, we are all human and don’t want others to feel uncomfortable in our presence). The words now come easier then they did. I guess what I’m trying to say is, if you are shy it won’t be forever. Whether it takes something life changing happening, a new school, college or job, sooner or later something will happen that may be stressful but it will change you for the better (even if you don’t realize it at the time and look back on it like I am doing now) it will make you a stronger person. I’m still shy but now it’s a part of me that I am okay with. For me it’s now a normal part of my character, it’s been shaped into me by experience maybe. It makes me more me and I accept it. I am happy about a part of me that I once hated. Hang in there is easier said than done, but things will work out. Believe in free will, your life isn’t determined. Pain doesn’t even determine you, it doesn’t determine me and I won’t let it, no matter what happens in the future.pain makes you see things differently. Later on you will be proud to look back on your past and see how far you have come because it made you who you are today!

Thank you for reading! 😉💗